All of this leads to one. weary. mama. I've been built up & encouraged by dear sisters' in Christ who have been where I've been (and most cases have had more difficult experiences), but sometimes even that doesn't feel enough. I've been blessed with an *amazing* mother in law who gives of her time to help with my kiddos twice a week and yet, I struggle. I want out of this constant repetition of inadequacy and unworthiness.
Just this week I was listening to Mark Driscoll, a pastor at Mars Hill church in Washington state and something clicked. Who is Jesus to me? Is He my children, my husband, my friends? Is He a "perfectly" kept home, a healthy, homemade dinner, a date with my husband? Am I lifting them up to the same scale as Jesus? The Spirit quickly told me. I am Jesus. Your Savior, friend. You are MY child. Only I can fill the void you're feeling. Let me go out on a limb and be real here. Have you ever felt the Spirit speaking so clearly to you, but yet, you don't hardly believe it? Are there times where you're just so ready to throw in the towel to everything you believe? Sometimes it's just so hard and exhausting, but (you knew a but was coming :) ) God is so faithful. When you're down and tired and weary, He says, "come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." He doesn't promise physical rest, but spiritual rest. While life is hard, tiring & sometimes void of immediate results, Jesus says, "I am your rest. Come to me." So, while this journey that God has had me on in the last several months has been exhausting, I choose & will continue to choose, to come to Jesus, because only He is adequate and able to fill every crevice of my soul.